peklay

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There are days when you wake up meaningless, like you know you have to live longer because you are needed but a piece of you asks why of all people, you have to see the horizon in colors unknown to the naked eyes, that every time you sit on that bus, minutes after, your seatmate will narrate to you his or her fear of brokenness or the little scary things life bring to us. Sometimes, I want to abandon writing, being too sentimental, being drawn to those lives that have been drifting. Always, I commune with silence and write again, love again…because I believe I was born to tell stories. Stories like this girl’s. 

She is 20. She is married. Her son is my inaanak. She is our humble town’s nightingale. We first met a decade ago. The next time I saw her, she had a bigger stomach and a shy lad was holding the umbrella for her. She smiled at me and pointed her tummy.

For me, that act was a celebration. I never thought that tonight, as the full moon rose, we would talk. I and her. 24 and 20. About how a girl dreams to find the love of a lifetime, about how a teenage mom battles against the judgement of the society and the challenges of a young home. There were tears in her eyes for some moments, but I never met someone her age who has so much patience, so much dreams for the family and so much love to give. The emptiness that I swallowed with coffee this morning ebbed. 

Fey Razel, “peklay” as she is popularly called, looked at me with tears which I wished to wipe. When I was 20, I had two jobs (10 pm-6am and 1pm-4pm), I had to send Karen to a good university, I had to provide the basic needs of our home but I salute her for being the best mother and wife that she can ever be, at 20. Young women like her inspire me to never give up on love, to never let theprejudices of the society cripple my goal not to be the best professional around but above all,  to be a better person. to be a real light of the home.

She is a power-belter, she is gorgeous and she is down to earth. Every time she sings, I steal moments to close my eyes and relish on goosebumps. She has bagged home trophies butI never heard her brag about them. Though she is working and is attending to the needs of her family, she accepted the vice-presidency in our youth organization.

“abi mo tin, isyu na sa akon bana ngaa ga kanta kanta ko upod sa singgit, pero hambal ko sa iya, diri ko nalipay.”

Life never ceases to remind me each single day that I have to move forward, that starting this circle of dreamers and passionate hearts is one thing I have lived for.  And yes, I want to die as the most alive girl who hums in the bus and who sings beside those she loves, in muffles.

Like Peklay, there are many young women who braced motherhood due to many reasons, but she is a great example that regrets are only there if and only if, you stop believing, you stop loving…because being scared strips you off from LIVING.

“ambot tin, but these tears do not not mean man nga i am giving up. daku pa handum ko para sa akon pamilya. i am hoping my husband will not give up on us. kag bisan mag inano pa, i won’t stop singing.”

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