*
i love you. what i like about us is that we share summers whole year round.
and when i stop visiting one day,
it’s either i am immensely happy
or
i have, finally, given up.
-Whispers I make to the Sea, 14/05/2009-
¤
Villa Igang, Guimaras Island
¤
and sometimes, it’s really beautiful to be separated by an island and a sunrise.
Island girls Thanna and Effeng.
The beach.
backpacks and beautiful people.
unplanned route.
dipping. laughing. burning.
seeing that part of the world that seems so eternal, limitless, unbound.
like there is so much love to give, share and receive.
like in a moment, there is nothing more powerful than the shelter of friendship and giggles.
yes, world domination through giggling.
and i went home sad. until now, this sudden departure of someone i hold close hurts. there is this sting of loss. inexorable. and so that night i spent hours crying in bed and i wrote:
dear T’ Larry,
you are the courage of a man who’d rather be misunderstood than accept his defeat. strange— we talked about life, contentment and death two days before they found you alone, dead and coiling like a child in your hut. i have always understood you even if i have never spent too much time asking you whys. that night was wonderful. you looked better and blushing unlike the other nights that you were too drunk and too pale. i will always laugh inside when i remember you singing Bon Jovi. i will always miss the way you applaud whenever i pass by your drinking table and greet you with a rock sign. i will always think of you as someone stubbornly happy, genuinely loyal and
drifting.
that night, i was so happy i have finally asked you why you haven’t been sober for years. and you told me, “tin, i am a failure, i am too late for everything.” i told you “tomorrow, show me you’re better and i’ll help you by all means.” the next day, i packed my things and left for the nearby island. when i passed by your hut, it never occured to me why i did not hear you cough. hours later, they told me you left. hours more, death did not sink in my thoughts. i hoped you live longer. but then again, i have always thought that a lot of things and people have killed you for a long time before the decay of your body, the rottening of your stomach and the fainting of your breath.
tell me that where you are now— nobody judges you on the surface. tell me that no one points a finger and call you ‘waste’. tell me that you are still singing songs so husky. tell me that Lola is there again to love you becaue you told me she’s the only person you’d stay for—here.tell me that no one hurts your little frame there, that the soil is soft and the stars are closer.
i want you to know that i have never misunderstood you and that if i have, i have regretted those times. and until the day you left, i have always wished that i’ll see you loved and accepted.
tell me that it’s less cruel there and that when you step your right foot,
everything floats back and just flies
.
tulo luha..
familiar kaayu..
*
she likes seashore naps and the view of everything from the bus window. she likes tiny moments and the small spaces between faces when people talk.
sometimes, she wakes up to that odd feeling of being a fallen leaf, an old tree, an azotea or a waitress somewhere-- talking to a taxicab driver about that random song on the radio.
*
---
---
and this. a proof that:
how you see LIFE is how
you actually see YOUR self.
*
*
***
maddening spurt:
----------------------
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!”
-Jack Kerouac-
pag ka anindot sa dagat ..
Posted by maibe at April 14, 2010, 7:27 amgimingaw nakog dagat..
painit sa dagat hantod sa mo lagom..