*
8/6/10
to the drizzles,
i was watching you from somewhere quiet, adrift and lonely. on a piece of paper, i repetitively scribbled ‘tell me i am designed to hope. tell me why.’ thank you, you fell. it was a bit depressing inside there. people sitting next to each other without even smiling or talking or asking each other, ‘oh hi why are you here? perhaps we have the same reasons for leaving.’ you know what, i have been thinking about this certain place full of umbrellas. one person under each. when you arrive there, all you need to do is pick an umbrella and a person and spend the rest of the day with that stranger. but hey, the security guard was awesome. he was cheerful and charming all the time. i wondered what he had for breakfast.so let me tell you this, i had a small talk with the ID photographer. he was asking about my tattoo. he told me he wanted to have his design inked near his heart. i told him, ‘good spot’. for a second, i wanted to ask him how it feels to take pictures of people while discouraging them to smile. and there was one young woman who sat beside me. she looked sad. so sad that her tangles could even tell me she traveled that far. so i asked her where she’s heading to and she shyly told me about this plan of hers to work in Jordan. i wished her luck but at the back of my head i wished for her to change her mind. i hate it when i hear people say ‘i got no choice’, i hate it more when i am the one saying that line. it sucks.
and there was this chubby boy. asking loads of questions from his mom. he wore this tight shirt. i was fascinated of the idea that the fabric might tear apart when he’s going to eat lunch. he reminded me of Kujhuan, 6 years old. my oddest little sibling. you should know by now that he has been making me smile due to the following reasons:
* he asked me once, “manang, why is it that in school, we draw and color stars yellow but when i gaze at them straight above, they appear white?”
* when we were at the beach he pointed out clouds that were heart-shaped.
* last night, he was giggling at a mosquito killer coil moving. he told us that he’s surprised—it’s dancing to the beat of the music from the TV.
* he thinks Dream Theater is a great band. he hums Beegees, Lady Gaga and other songs that are 5 decades older than him. when he sings them, they all sound Cantonese.
* he collects bath soaps, sells non-biodegradables to junk shops, talks to animals and asks me until today why i had my head shaved last year (&would never be convinced of my consistent answer)
dear drizzles, i really don’t know what to tell you straight that’s why i am blabbering. i just want you to know that you calm my soul. you made me recall that story i read somewhere that there were railroads built even way before the trains were discovered. so this morning when i walked alone feeling humid and restless i knew the rain would fall. it did not. and you, you fell.
and in a still of time before 10 am and 11, someone asked me what made me special.
i wished i had something smart or impressive to say.
so i answered, ” i am a dreamer. and i truly believe i am designed to hope. especially when it’s more practical not to.”
dear drizzles, someone offered me a stick of cigarette. it was easy to refuse right there and then. the stranger suggested to me to buy an umbrella. we talked about umbrellas and i shared my dream of an umbrella country where on arrival, you choose a person holding it to share the rest of the day with. or share a lifetime. or a forever. whatever mushy. she told me i sounded like a strange dreamer and that it’s sort of funny. she had this pink lipstick and two Watson’s plastic bags. she mentioned that she was waiting for her parents who spend too much time in the groceries. we took the same major back in college but went to different universities. she was a hardcore talker.
that place was depressing at first. but the more i spent time looking into people’s eyes, i saw hope. and that’s all that mattered.
i stayed at three different places today. the first was DFA. the second, an office of this wonderful NGO. third, a corner near a shopping mall where everyone’s busy fornicating with materialism.
suddenly missing summer mornings,
Tin
*
tin, wherever you are going, i hope you never stop writing and dreaming. love reading you. hope you are heading this way.
Posted by chichi at June 21, 2010, 7:55 pmi love you when you scape reality and then describe everything about your surreality, those places, those dreams, to me.
i hate you when you scape reality, i wish this world required no scape, that there was enough chaos and enough calm, just enough for you.
i love it and i hate it that you scape reality.
Posted by j.E. restrepo at June 24, 2010, 6:12 amso, it’s the 2nd time i read this.
feels like the first.
bound to have another try at it.
who knows when.
fractalcore is a nincompoop.
Posted by nincompoop at July 6, 2010, 9:38 pm
*
she likes seashore naps and the view of everything from the bus window. she likes tiny moments and the small spaces between faces when people talk.
sometimes, she wakes up to that odd feeling of being a fallen leaf, an old tree, an azotea or a waitress somewhere-- talking to a taxicab driver about that random song on the radio.
*
---
---
and this. a proof that:
how you see LIFE is how
you actually see YOUR self.
*
*
***
maddening spurt:
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“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!”
-Jack Kerouac-
New or Renew?
Oh, yes, I believe deep within the human fabric, hope is ingrained. That I believe why the human spirit is indomitable…
And I believe, in this part of world, in 7, 107 islands, when humans were created fiber by fiber, those polymers of hope were in abundance…
Posted by CWW at June 21, 2010, 7:27 pm