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“That’s when you know you’ve found somebody really special. When you can just shut the hell up for a minute and comfortably share a silence.” -Pulp Fiction-
on a beautiful Friday dusk with my siblings
and so these rainy days and visits to the lonely shore nearby have magnified my love and relationship with silence and solitude. sure, i love people. let me tell you that i am in-love with how humans try to live. how they cook their meals, how they sleep on each others shoulder in the bus, how they invent passions just to get by, how they mischievously grin in secret when something is funny in a public place but it’s rude to laugh, how lovers in food courts discreetly kiss each other. i love their thoughts no matter how shallow or complex these are. and to highlight: There is beauty in transience but I fall in-love with every human being who tries his/her best to make the most out of ‘this’ impermanence. And that is, to inspire, to influence, to share his/her soul without expecting something in return and without the fear of the inevitable feeling of sadness or loss. I am inspired by a human’s way to exist and to live. And his means to differentiate one from the other. every human being i meet, bit by bit, has made me understand my self more.
but
it cannot be denied that i feel immensely myself when i spend limitless times doing nothing on a silent shore or a wide green field. just a long walk from where i live, there’s a sea and there’s low tide that allows me to feel the entire ocean under these two toes. when i rest my back and go cloud-watching, i have been in awe just watching how these lumps of soft white occupy such a beautiful space in the skies. imagine skies without clouds. imagine airplane flights without them.imagine your life without clogs of sadness, boredom and rejection. lately i have found out that maybe, life gets too tough as a struggle because people get obsessed with vocabulary. words like: happiness, contentment, intelligence, wealth, freedom and all these utopia-ish huge terms. i have to admit, i’ve spent some lengthy time trying to achieve each of those. i thank my younger, more fragile years for fueling my desire to fumble, fail and learn. but then, is there an end to this big loop of tumbling, twisting and trying? perhaps, none.
maybe, there’s no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow nor light at the end of the tunnel. if there is—perhaps, you and me, we, we’re not entirely here for that ‘end prize’ at all. and what am i here for?
i am not even sure. but all i know is this: i want to wake up and stir my coffee and see others wake up and live each day: be it in a manner that it’s like their last or in a way that they just lazily let it pass. i want to write my thoughts in mid-air and just let them melt somewhere. there are many places that await me and many people that are about to make a difference. i still enjoy the swings of moods like cry laughing or the other way around. i still want to listen to every sound that this world has, taste every highs and lows of the journey.i still want to keep my dream of one day, just walk along silently with my significant other, hold his hand and we could talk about what it means to be him, what it means to be me, what it means to love and what it means to be us. And in 10 years’ time, we could look back on that day and know that we meant what we said.
this, dedicated to my best friend-loyal listener, Ben, whose i-don’t-give-a-fuck-shirt happens to be my fave
and to the security guard at BPI who shared to me his choco polvoron yesterday
& to my charming siblings who ask me the most racist questions
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oh…copy ko sa quote Tinay…reposting in FB ehheeh
i missshoo. iv been hell busy catchin’ up pa….
hope you’re all well!
you’re the tin of my dreams
Posted by j eduardo r. at December 31, 2010, 10:51 pm
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she likes seashore naps and the view of everything from the bus window. she likes tiny moments and the small spaces between faces when people talk.
sometimes, she wakes up to that odd feeling of being a fallen leaf, an old tree, an azotea or a waitress somewhere-- talking to a taxicab driver about that random song on the radio.
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and this. a proof that:
how you see LIFE is how
you actually see YOUR self.
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maddening spurt:
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“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!”
-Jack Kerouac-
i am all soppy again Tinay. xo
Posted by josephine at July 17, 2010, 1:26 pm