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My current mission is to walk INTO corners and make a place fall-inlove with me. (it’s given that I shall, fiber by fiber, fall in-love with it)
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Hello. Come closer, let me talk to you so close— face to face that I can almost see your pores. How have you been?
Did I tell you that I felt so empty for some time? Yes, I did. But when it all happened, my eyes were open. I wanted to see sadness, creeping, swallowing my entirety. I did not ignore it because: I needed it. I need it— still. To be sad, to be alone, to engulf the emptiness without having to find holes where I can let my nose pass through. To take the curves of the road without having to cheat and to resort to a short cut. Sad, nostalgic, needy, longing, alive. So I go to this green and pink carinderia for coffee and bread every morning. It stands between commercial buildings. You can see its stall and the menu of the day, a tray of candies and cigarettes on the kahera’s table, an ever-smiling girl in ponytail and strong unibrow. You can see their kitchen, the young male cook in his apron. His morning sweat and the beautiful smoke that he is very much used to. What makes this place beautiful are the sights and sounds around it. A block away, I always pass by to sales clerks painting their faces—holding pocket mirrors with a lipstick smile, truck drivers who would cheerfully greet me “good morning!!!” (and if I am lucky enough, I get this friendly wink).
“Hey where is he?”, the girl with strong unibrow and shiny smile asked
“Ah him, he’s almost home. I am surprised you still remembered us, it’s been more than 3 months,” I felt a sudden rush of shyness and longing.
“How could I ever forget?”, she had this indelible grin— sincere, little and reminiscent.
“Yes. who would ever forget…”
And then, I’d take slow steps. Let the morning shine upon me. Let the quietness of the city fill me in. I walk slowly down my favorite corner of Iloilo. Lamp posts, green huge windows on the second floor with hanging green ornaments, random people standing beside the windows— smoking, looking at the skyline and electric wires. Maybe thinking of what I also think about or thinking what I am thinking of as they look down on me from where they are.
Sometimes, I accuse life for being so unfair. For being so mischievous that no matter how I want to live with my heart bigger than my brain, I could not help in some instances when I have to sharpen my reasons. But maybe, I am glad that what I am here for is not mere intelligence, I want to believe that there is something more filling in wisdom. That my steps do not stop at the end of my nose.
Sometimes, I question existence. Being born without your permission. Being taken away without your approval. But in sad days, the long aimless walks present to me moments of life in small, vivid, monochromatic forms and I can’t help but hold my soul and get this I-am-a-bit-sad-and-nostalgic-and-yearning-and-I-feel-how-it-really-is-to-be-alive-awwwwww.
And you?
By the way, before I hop out for some SINGGIT dreaming, never forget that I believe in love. That though I thirst for wisdom, empowerment, beauty, humor and rock and roll, these would be all meaningless without l-o-v-e. and hey hey, THAT you ARE LOVED, too.
Keveen of KORAKOR/Spread Your Love
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your thoughts are inspiring tin.. makabuhi! =)
Posted by gen at August 13, 2010, 4:08 pm
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Currently, biking along country roads, tumbling down to the sea shore, waiting for the sun to sink, for the stars to dangle and the rain to fall into ripples. Forever young. Forever a bus window lover.
She is religious this way: Streetfoodgasm, Aurgasm, Laidbacksm, Quirkgasm, Cheapoism.
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and this. a proof that:
how you see LIFE is how
you actually see YOUR self.
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maddening spurt:
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“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!”
-Jack Kerouac-
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she lives:
* to observe MORE: a lot of parallels in this microcosm of society. which is interesting to see, sometimes funny, sometimes sad though.
* to read "dear me" letters from random people and to encourage them to write one.
* to smile at the grumpiest person in a bus/jeepney/foodcourt/line in front of the atm machine/anywhere
* to say something profound or profane when the situation calls for it/when urge pees
* to keep my family and circle of beloveds in defiant strings.
* to love more than the usual/the necessary.
* to swallow every moment of sunset, sunrise, nightsky, gentle rain, spontaneous collisions of beauty and madness.
* to see the world from puddles than from human-sized mirrors.
* to fetch the colors of culture and splash hues whenever i stay for a while, melt for a while and fade for a while.
* to immerse in the poetic corner where souls need not write poetry to be poets.
* to share more because i have much more to give.
* to swim against the tempting current of materialism, titles, the superficial & the boastful.
* to lick every feeling & thought at its rawest-- create art, music or new tiny passions from each
* to beg for Explosions in the Sky to have a picnic concert in front of me ;)
* to throw a big party if our rooster Tagay becomes a Dad.
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… i’m sad
Posted by j eduardo at August 1, 2010, 8:29 amas i acknowledge that it was not your intent