silak

02/14/11

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“i spent an entire week not getting over the rejection. i am a Law graduate, i am smart, I have represented the country in Asian youth conventions but i did not pass the final screening as Management Trainee.”, he rest his back on the maroon couch of the glass-walled coffee shop. There was an ESL teacher having coffee with a Korean student, a sun-tanned Boheme-looking girl ordering latte and there was a guy playing a love song ten steps outside the cafe. 

“life has a magical way of teaching us to be humble. it hurt me that time but i realized that i am never too big for something or in comparison to someone else. and i liked that lesson.”

 i wanted to hug my friend of many years. whenever years pass and i wake-up wanting to catch up with someone i badly miss, it always becomes a moment of exuberance. these days, the sun is so close to me. living near the sea always makes me feel lucky. as break times from work, i usually sit on the shore to read a book, take a dip, listen to my favorite bands or just take a nap after watching the waves and the clouds. BUT that day, sunshine was in front of me: bones and flesh and a big heart. 

we were both part of the university student council, the university as well as the college debating team… when he was busy with international conventions and so forth, i was busy heading the Social Science Club and Political Science- organizing debates, heading jail visits and Artian activities. we were both young and idealistic. i saw how competitive he was while i always braced laid-backness. he was in the library for research, while i cut classes because there were days when i felt melancholic and lazy. we both liked our Socialist Government class and The Amazing Race. sometimes, he’d remind me that i lack focus. which is indeed true. i was passionate about certain things— radicalism, reading literature, going home too early for the weekends to go to the beach, writing tawdry poetry.

six years after, as we sat facing each other, i found the same old good friend who likes Sandara (who is obviously never my thing), who likes to talk about geopolitics and world issues but who’s humble enough to admit and to listen if he does not know a thing about an Icelandic band on the rise. i found the same friend who (like me) loves books and page-smelling. and i found a beautiul soul, one of the most-celebrated talks and another fuel to be in-love with earning a life (& a living) and be-friending its dragonflies and demons.

 ”it’s great that you were able to experience how to wash those plates and how to serve barbecue. you’re more appreciaitve of others. it’s like sitting on that dining table and thanking the farmers. i’m proud of you. i’m happy of what you’ve become. though sometimes, we don’t reach our goal, the process of experience that we go through is already meaningful”

 

☀

 

“To love others or being loving to people is very good and enriching I think. The most important part is though to be happy for yourself and to give one all the time one needs. If we manage to be happy (like in our lives), we’ll enrich the people around us even more and we’re able to preserve that for a long time not only a short period.”

 a kindred soul wrote this to me after sending me a message of typos because the train was shaking too much.  we shared intense conversations every time chances permitted us. we had different childhood. i grew up in paddies and muddy roads. the kindred spirit grew up from a first world country. the moment i got back home, i missed our talks. i may have beautiful things here: the sea, the daydreaming spots of greens, the slow speed of life and of changes. my kindred spirit makes it a point to write me thoughts. to write me that they had 3 days of beautiful weather, to write me that their family walked under the sun and that i have to enjoy life- enjoy the current wow of now because the past happened (and it was meaningful) and the future is exciting. the kindred spirit once asked me why i was smiling alone at the sight of the evening lights from the bus window. 

“i like this shared comfortable silence…dear confidante. suddenly, i feel very hopeful.. care to give me another chewing gum?”

i was actually silent. but that was i wanted to tell. i just closed my eyes instead.

 

☀

 a man married to a woman who has been helping the Mangyans:

“I want a young man from here to say “I am Mangyan” with pride. I want to make a sad comment though. Those Pinoys who have moved to the US, when asked, “Are you a Filipino?”, sometimes, they answer hesitantly… sometimes, sadly, they have become Americans. They want to. Badly.”

 the couple built a school for them. built a center for health and hygiene. built a home and a better life.

 

☀

 

Olivia from Ghana calls me. She forgets about our time zone. She thinks I am so lucky to be a Filipino. to be where women are much acceptable  even when they grow stronger voices. 

 

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